


A Hare-y Situation

by littleberd



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: And Marco hates it, Cuddles, Irony, M/M, Marco KNOWS she cheated, NEVER PLAY AGAINST PONY HEAD AGAIN!, Poor Tom, Star won't believe it though, the one time Star's new spell works
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-06-10 04:45:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6940330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleberd/pseuds/littleberd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thoughts currently going through Marco's head<br/>1.) Why did I make that bet with Pony head?<br/>2.)Pony head is way worse than the devil<br/>3.)Star had to have been conspiring with Pony head with this<br/>4.)I'm pink, and fuzzy all over<br/>5.)I blame Pony head<br/>6.)Tom is a <i>little</i> too harsh petting me<br/>7.)He's going to want to kill me instead of pet me when this blows up in my face<br/>8.)He's going to roast us alive<br/>9.)If I don't strangle those two idiots first<br/>10.)I hope that fuzz-ball is enjoying himself</p><p>Or in which Marco owes Pony head a dare, he does it, Tom comes in at an inconvenient time, Star's spell ACTUALLY WORKS FOR ONCE! But it kind of backfires... and let's just say... Marco is in a Hare-y Situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gamble Gone Wrong!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco regrets everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> X'D couldn't resist making this! Please comment!

"Come on Princess Turdina~ you scared I'm gonna beat ya?"

Marco wanted nothing to do with this game Star had just brought out, ESPECIALLY having to play with the floating bodyless wonder before him. 

"Come on _Marco_ … pleeeeeeeease!? Just one game?" Star pleads, eyes widening to their maximum, tears and sparkles shining brightly.

_I have GOT to learn how to resist those damn puppy eyes... and how to do it that well._

Marco bites his lip hesitantly, holding onto the last bit of will power not to fall for Pony head's goading and Star's eyes.

"How about the loser has to do whatever the winner dares them." The crass horned princess tempts.

Marco blinks in surprise. _Maybe you can knock her royal high-horse down a notch from all the name calling and bullying for once, have Star perform any random spell Glossarik chooses~_ A decidedly vindictive side of his conscious whispers.

 _Or maybe you can make her stop name-calling and Bullying period!_ A smarter and nicer side of his brain interjects, Marco mentally nods.

 _Both good dares... it's just the simple fact that I don't know how to play this game... and Pony Head is an apparent champion at it according to Star's every five minute praise._

Pony Head nuzzles up to Star, "Seems like Earth-turd isn't girl enough to accept since he's not in a dress anymore, let's go to the cloud lounge and dance til my non-existent legs break!" Pony head smirks at Marco.

"FINE! CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!"

Marco instantly regrets it... Pony Head's shit-eating grin practically states that she's already won.

*****

Marco's jaw hits the floor, Pony Head had won. The game had been something resembling "Candyland", "Risk", & "Cards against Humanity" chewed up by a rainbow and spat back out with extra glitter. Not to mention it was in an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT LANGUAGE. Pony head had mainly focused on Star, so Marco saw the cards the pompous preppy pony head hid in her mane. But every time Marco called her out for it she'd EAT the evidence!

"I'm done, stick a fricking fork in me." Marco tosses the cards in the center, "I knew this was going to happen... so hurry up and proclaim what torturous task you want me to do."

"Hold up Earth-Turd. Star has to give me my cards back." Pony head dismisses Marco with a flick of her mane.

Marco's eyes widen, a smirk stretching his features to impish porportions, " _Ok~ if that's what you want me to do~!_ "

Pony head turns, a suspicious wrinkle forming between her eyes, then it clicks, "Not the task I won, nice try though~" Pony head rubs her neck harshly against Marco's shoulder, who winches at the force," I think I'm rubbing off on your Earth Besty!"

Star sighs in defeat, "ok... you can get your prinka Bonel card back..." Her eyes lovingly look over the card once more, "It's just sooooooo cute!"

Marco takes the card from Star nonchalantly, she releases a heartbroken gasp, fingers outstretching towards Marco in a plea. Marcolooks at the card.

"This-this is TOM'S RABBIT! Seriously Star? You're going goo-goo eyed over your demon ex-boyfriend's stress ball?" Marco shakes his head in disgust, "A pink bunny, that's what that translates into ... I think."

Star huffs, attempting to get the card back but Pony Head snatches it, placing it in the card pile and makes it disappear with a touch of her horn.

Star throws a mini temper tantrum on the floor, Pony head and Marco just ignore her until she's done, she glares at them with watery eyes, "It's not a pink bunny! It's a PRINKA BONIL! THE SOFTEST LEPORIDAE IN EXISTENCE! AND TOM WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME TOUCH HIM!!! I WOULD LITERALLY **DIE** IF I COULD PET ONE!"

Marco guffaws for a good minute or two, calming down enough to state the obvious, "There's literally no way in HELL that you could get Tom to let you pet his furry comfort blanket. That poor rabbit probably needs a stress ball of his own with the constant raging that hot-head does... could energize a whole city with how much static electricity it's got."

Pony head is three centimeters from Marco's face before he can blink, "oh Marco~ I think I just figured out my wish~!"

"...oh no."


	2. spell goes wrong as usual buy not in the normal ways

"Now you know the plan Marco. You'll sneak me in, I'll do the spell, you'll switch the fake bunny with the Real Prinka Bonil, and then we'll all leave." Star says excitedly, giddily jumping up and down in excitement.

"okay, I'm gonna stop you right there Star-"

"If you try to persuade her not to do this then I get to use my dare somewhere else~"

Marco holds up his hand to placate the horn in his side,"Not a chance Chica. Star typically drags me along no matter what, once she's determined to do something. Let's just say she'll go to extremes to do them. So no, what I was about to say is there are major HOLES in your plan. First, why doesn't Star just spell the fake bunny first? That way there isn't any accidental spells."

"The spell is kinda time and place sensitive... Tom's Prinka Bonil has a spell on it that burns the hands of people who try to pick it up without Tom's permission. So I've got to be there to remove that and place it on the fake, as well as the Prinka Bonil spell." Star assures.

"And don't we need disguises? They expected a mewni princess at the blood moon ball last time but we're sneaking in so we might want to blend in right?" Marco suggests.

Ponyhead grins like the devil himself,"ooooh~ I've got the perfect outfit just for youuuu~♥"

Marco gulps in horror.

"Me and by big nacho eating mouth."

*****

Marco's aggravated grumbles seem less angry and more nervous the closer they get to the Hothead's castle.

His disguise consists of a skin tight half top shirt, red skinny jeans that make him unable to feel his toes, the heavy heeled boots only make matters worse, the choice of running for his life out of the question with the weight of each shoe being about 10 lb. Star ended up spelling bat wings on him, though the spell went perfectly fine, and she knew the reverse spell by heart, the placement was a wee bit off. Instead of your typical shoulder wings... Try _HIP_ wings, that's right hip wings. The girls had fun making immature jokes on that phrase the whole way down. 

But the cherry on the banana split of imminent destruction was the mask he is wearing. The same mask Marco wore to the Blood Moon Ball, minus the awesome mustache. Though the girls thought having a ponytail extension made all the difference, Marco _knows_ Ponyhead is just mocking him. Thankfully Star changed his codename to Muerta instead of Princess Turdina, inspiration hitting her having heard his parents chattering on and on about dia de Los muertos and the Muerta sugar skull designs they were thinking about.

As the carriage settles on the ground Marco is basically sweating bullets. Star grabs his sweaty hand and practically drags him, 10 pound boots and all, into the castle owned by the demon that, if he hadn't been chill pilled by Star, would have incinerated him on the spot. Star goes into ninja stealth mode, tossing Marco around like a rag doll and swinging him around to knock out the guards, that inevitably see them, with his shoes.

Pony head cuus at them, "Stylish _AND_ K.O. gorgeous... My unfortunate genes are the bane of my existence, I've bought soooooo many shoes and I can't even wear them. At least Princess Turdina does them justice."

" It's Muerta," Marco hisses through clenched teeth.

"Whatever..." Pony head scoffs, she then leers at him,"just don't wing your performance on my awesome fashion sense."

Marco is fuming, wings flapping heatedly,"You're a real jerk you know that? Why do you have it out for me?"

"I don't have it out for you, I just don't like you." Pony head whispers harshly, poking him with her horn.

"Same to you hoof-less wonder." Marco sneers back, whispers getting louder, a guard is turning the corner.

" **SHHHHHHHHH!** " Star butts in, smooshing their faces together to silence them. The guard stops, scratches his butt, yawns, and goes on with his rounds.

Once the guard is out of sight Star turns on them,"You two nearly got us caught, you almost made another mistake like me mess-up _twin_ ~!"

Marco splutters, blush spreading across his face but unseen, hidden behind his mask. Pony head snorts.

"But Pony-Head you've got no excuse. If we're caught, Tom will call your father, he might send you back to saint Helga's Home for Wayward Princesses..." Star whispers, eyes going fearful.

"But when we left the party was still going hard!" Marco states, eyebrows quirking in confusion.

"The Headmistress busted us by calling-"

"The police because it was really a prison for the criminally insane?" Marco interjects, Pony-Head swishes her mane, catching Marco in it's lustrous windy locks, making him sputter as some gets in his mouth, "Yuck!"

"Worse... Our Parents... We had no choice but to go back to our cells, whether they were totally not fair or not" Pony-Head laments, horn drooping, her head pricks up though,"But I got out of there using one of the confiscated scissors before Daddy and Mother arrived."

Ponyhead poses dramatically, mane blowing in a breeze that shouldn't exist, "No way am I going back. Alive anyway!"

Star has a brief flashback of the picture she almost took with Tom... Unicorn blood. Marco catches Star's eye, he nods in understanding, he remembers too.

Pony-Head notices the silent conversation going on between them, neying in contempt, both miffed and jealous. She glares at Marco in contempt, a very mean idea in her head.

" I'm gonna go flirt with the guards guys!" Ponyhead squeals, the two react instantly, grabbing for the dumbass that's going to get them caught. Ponyhead let's Marco grab ahold of her horn, Ponyhead's eyes darken with mirth, she slings the poor boy into the direct eyesight of the two guards. Marco skids to a stop right in front of the two.

Star turns to Ponyhead with the intent to strangle but holds herself back, watching Marco with worry.

_OK Marco THINK!! THINK!! OH! oooooh-hah... Marco Diaz, witty on the sly._

"Um excuse me boys. I have an appoint ment with Tom and Greg so if you could _Just_ let me by..-" The guards honest to GAWDZ growl at Marco, spears pointed at him, the tips nearly scratching his nose.

"I'm a vet and Greg's new assistant therapist. I get that you guys like hazing newbiez I really do. But if Marshmallow somehow dies without it's new prescription... I hope you're prepared to face Tom when his one means of holding back his anger is dead in his arms... I'm sure that'll make him not want to maim you." Marco tosses at them, turning around and walking away.

"Wait! Eeer..." The guard reluctantly calls back, Marco turns on his boots and tries to not stomp back with his boots, "Look, we received orders not to let anyone pass. There's been an influx of fangirls either after him or the prinka bonil, Marshmallow, in his room. You're the fifth person in the last two hours to try and enter his room. But, you seem legit. You even mention it's name and Tom's anger management coach. Only a few know about him. So I guess we'll let you in... But promise you'll try and accompany one of the others before you try and waltz past us again without some form of identification."

Marco nods, " Alright. I will... OH! my medicine bag! I keep forgetting it, It's heavy so I tend to leave it behind when I want to talk to someone... One sec."

Marco clomps back around the corner, whispering quietly,"Get in the Bag!" While pointing at the said bag. Ponyhead rolls her eyes but gets in, Star grins and follows suit, Marco compresses it as much as possible, and hefts it over his shoulders huffing from the weight.

The guards raise their eyebrows but let him pass. Once they turn the corner Marco gently let's them slide to the floor in an attempt to remain quiet. Star and Ponyhead poke their heads out, Marco motions for them to get out, they comply.

They walk a bit more but they don't spot anymore guards, "Those guys were probably the last pair. They guard the entrance to the royal quarters." Star supplies. They finally make it to the Prince's room.

Marco pulls Star away from the door just as the knob twists and the door opens. The three hide behind it as Tom closes it, talking with Greg about his latest anger issue.

They continue walking down the hall without noticing the three intruders. Marco breaths out a long gusty breath he had been holding, nearly melting where he stands.

But before Marco can become a puddle of relief Ponyhead rams her horn into his spine as Star drags him into the demon's room.

Marco doesn't know how to describe the room other than luxurious, granted it's mostly covered in flames. The bed is shiny with warm colored silks and the canopy is made of gravity defying flames of a purple and pink color. The floor is marbled magma and his mirror is practically dripping with rubies. The play pen throws Marco off for a second before he sees the pink bunny hopping about and sniffing at the bars when he spots them.

Star's squeals of cuteness are also joined by Ponyhead's, their eyes are practically heart shaped at the point. Star reaches towards the rabbit and Marco's alarm bells go off.

He swats her hand away,"Bunny equals burnt hands remember?"

Star pouts but twirls her wand with a new concentrated grin,"What's mine is yours and yours is mine, so I can touch it, and don't have to pay the fine!"

A red glow flashes around Marshmallow, then fades away. Ponyhead pokes him toward the prize, Marco is sweating bullets, finger hesitantly brushing the Prinka Bonil's fur. They're all still for a moment before they all whoop in triumph, the spell had worked!

"You are on a ROOLLLL today Star! Maybe you've finally got the hang of it!?" Marco compliments, Star giggles, shoving Marco out of the way, he lands on his butt with a small grunt, and she grabs the pitiful pink fluff ball up in her arms.

Marco brushes some nonexistent dirt from his shoulders, glowering at the snickering floating troll. She stops when she rubs her cheek against the pink stress-doll.

" _SOOOOO SOOOOOOFT!_ " They both squeal in high pitched fangirls. Marco resists the urge to roll his eyes at the two's antics.

"Not to be the voice of reason here but you might want to hurry it along with that replacement spell." Marco states, uncomfortably trying to unwind the wedgy he's gotten. _Maybe demons are mean because of they all have really uncomfortable clothing choices? It would make sense._

Star pulls out a small stuffed animal from her purse, waves her wand and chants. Nothing happens the next twelve tries, "Well my spell's actually going right streak is cappute."

"Princess Turdina just haaaaaad to jinx you. Maybe it'll work on a different object?" Ponyhead interjects, loud yelling sounds down the hall. Everyone's hwad whips to the door, Star spastically waves her wand around chanting the spell but it doesn't work. Until she points it at something animated, a poof of pink and a Prinka bonil wobbles dazzedly where Marco once was.

Star picks up Marco in worry, Tom's angry voice leaks through the door, accompanied by the lower and calming voice of Greg his Anger management coach. Star looks between the door and Marco rapidly, biting her lip in thought.

The door knob creaks as the door opens, Tom stomps in followed by the small soft pitter-patter of Greg's flip-flops.

Ponyhead and Star peek out from on top of the bed's canopy, Tom goes to pick up the Prinka Bonil from the playpen, " _I'm sorry Marco_..."

Toms hand halts an inch above Marco's pink bunny ears, "See! Now I'm even hearing her voice saying his name!"

" I... Don't think your going crazy Tom... I heard that too..."

Tom's eyes search the room, opening his closet doors and slamming them shut in frustration, Greg gets down on his knees and pokes around under the demon prince's bed, Tom spots the blotchy dark shadows on the ceiling above his bed canopy.

" _I didn't want to have to use this_!" Ponyhead mutters before magicing three sparkling cones touching her horn against each one and tossing each one around Tom and Greg.

They hit the floor, making a shattering glass sound, and rapidly glow brighter and brighter.

Tom's three eyes widen in awareness, he dives for Greg just as three flashbangs with the highest dimentional-grade seal of approval go off.

The girls are gone when Tom comes around, the guards storming the room a second later.

"You guys are late. You were hired to make sure no one gets into my personal quarters. Which someone DID. So turn in your armor, weapons, and badges to the head of security when you walk out of my room. There's nothing more to be done, they got away and they didn't leave a trail behind to follow. So GET OUT!" Tom's voice rises throughout his entire monologue, until Greg literally pushes the guards out of the Prince's bedroom and Tom slams the door hard enough to make the castle shake on it's foundations.

"Your temper is getting better Tom! You beat your record! I know those meetings with your relatives always get under your skin but added with the stress of those intruders, you've improved so much! I'm so proud!" Greg shouts ecstatically, going to give the wrathful demon a hug but wisely settles for just patting him on the back when he sees the prince is still seething about everything that had happened that day.

Tom lowers his glare, and picks up a Prinka bonil Marco who has fainted from the situation that had, of course, spiraled out of control.

Tom scrunches his eyebrows. _Marshmallow's fur is softer than usual... Hmmm... I guess that shampoo I was recommended is working._

"Whoever they were they aren't getting in again. I'm gonna talk to mother about that intruder spell. I didn't want to use it because it would make getting into my room hard for _myself_ but I really can't take much more of thus fangirls nonsense."

Tom gently rubs the back of Marco's neck, "Well, at least they didn't take you. Don't know if Hell would be left standing or not if that happened." Marco shivers in his sleep.


End file.
